We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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