Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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