her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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