i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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