dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
