But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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