Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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