yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
