too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
