You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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