he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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