We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
