2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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