I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
