Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
