Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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