You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
