i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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