You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
