Banned from zoo.
Again?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
