ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
