God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she told me i tasted like america
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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