lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
