i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
