I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
