I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
