I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
