OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
