all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
