i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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