is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
