Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Less talking, more tequila
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
