I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
