i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize