Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
