so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
