am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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