We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
