Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
