New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
