in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
