The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
