so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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