sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
