Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
