You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
