Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
