I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think I died a long time ago.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
