yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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