I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
