Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
